Sting me

Weeding around the Anjou pear tree in the orchard a few days ago, I “came upon” a yellowjacket nest. They were not happy about that. One of them was particularly upset. I was stung. I thought—running, screaming from the orchard into the house—hey, I could make a story out of this.

But the story is pretty much this: I got stung. It hurt like hell. It hurt more than any tattoo I’ve gotten, but slightly less than childbirth. I was stung on the middle finger of my left hand. The hand blew up like a balloon. The hand looked like a club. I took a hand-selfie. No, I won’t share it. The hand—I write the hand not my hand because it did not look like a body part I would lay claim to--was hot and itchy and ridiculous-looking for four days. (And yes, I did everything you’re going to suggest that I should have done.) End of story.

Well, maybe not. What about the other character in this story, the yellowjacket? Glad you asked. This is kind of an info-dump, but I know you want to know. And I promise to make it mildly entertaining.

First thing to know is that the insect that stung me was female. Let’s call her Spindra (because that was one of the names suggested by the “pet insect name generator.” Yes, there is such a thing.) Most insect colonies are female-dominated, so it is not surprising that Spindra came out to sting me. What is surprising is that only female yellow jackets can sting (because they are the only ones with stingers). Why? Because the stinger is a modified ovipositor, or egg-layer. (Creepy, right?) Spindra and her girlfriends will sting repeatedly to protect their colony, even with little provocation. They can sting multiple times because their stingers are lance-like and have small barbs that they don't lose during the act.

Spindra and her girlfriends are not only more aggressive than other stinging insects, they also sting AND bite. They will often bite to get a better grip to jab their stinger in. That’s what Spindra did on my finger. She took out a tiny chunk of skin before injecting me with venom.

And now to the venom. The first line of defense when you get stung is to take an antihistamine. That’s because the venom contains histamine, which causes blood vessels to dilate and become more permeable, leading to redness, swelling, and itching at the sting site. The venom also contains a peptide that can damage cell membranes, resulting in both pain and inflammation. There is also the enzyme phospholipase A2, a cell damager that increases the permeability of blood vessels contributing to the spreading of the venom. Want to know about hyaluronidase (helps venom spread through tissues)? Acetylcholine (stimulates pain receptors)? Serotonin (can enhance the perception of pain).

Yep. It’s a regular shitshow.

But the story has a happy ending. Spindra is back in the nest, all cozy. She and her pals can be assured I will not bother them EVER AGAIN. And my hand doesn’t look like a club anymore. It looks more like a plump baby hand: soft, smooth, wrinkleless skin, no knuckle indentations, no visible veins. I kinda like it.