Water, water everywhere
No wo(man) is an island.
John Donne wrote that in 1624. He was exploring the theme of interconnectedness. “Every wo(man) is a piece of the continent/ a part of the main,” he went on to write. I get that.
But I wonder what’s wrong with being an island. A body of land, so the definition goes.
Our bodies are sixty percent water. More than seventy percent of our planet is water. Water is life. Being surrounded by water is being surrounded by life; being made of water is life.
Yes, I know I am being literal and not metaphysical, like Mr. Donne. But I think a lot about this being an island unto oneself, this notion self-sufficiency. To be self-sufficient is to have the ability to meet your own needs without relying on external assistance. That’s what chatgpt just told me, which is funny, because in that moment I was relying on “external assistance.” I could have relied on the external assistance of Webster’s International, but this is 2023, friends.
What are those “requirements” that a self-sufficient (island) person meets? Beyond economic self-sufficiency, which is obviously a big one, there is—for those of us privileged not to have to worry about the financial side—emotional and psychological self-sufficiency. That is: maintaining one’s mental well-being, relying on oneself for validation and fulfillment. And, I would add, for solace.
This sounds strong and healthy to me. But Mr. Donne would argue that we are, we need to be, “part of the main.” How to make sense of that? Does strong and sufficient also mean, or can it mean, isolated and detached?
Last night, contemplating this island thing and my ambivalence about it, I texted the most astonishingly, impressively self-sufficient person I know. I have yet to discover what he cannot do. He’s way ahead of me on this, as the moment he discovers something he has not done, or does not yet know how to do, he does it. Because that is what self-reliance is all about. But, as this person and I both know, and both struggle with, emotional self-sufficiency is another matter. I asked him what he thought the downsides were of self-sufficiency. Here’s how he responded:
Peril #1: The perception that you are self-sufficient results in others never meaningfully asking to help you.
Peril #2: You forget how to ask.